My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize