I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
