i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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