Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
