Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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