You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize