This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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