I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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