That's intense
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
