You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Randomize
