The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
