My sheets look like a crime scene.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
