dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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