you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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