u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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