I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
