ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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