The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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