I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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