if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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