Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
