i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
