you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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