Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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