Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
