You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You ruined the universe
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
