Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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