Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
