I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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