i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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