oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
