Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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