I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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