Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
