ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
