Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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