I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
