you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
