my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
