conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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