just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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