I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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