she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
