they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
