OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
