your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize