Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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