I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
