you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
