So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize