the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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