Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
