We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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