I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
