Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
