Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
