remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize