At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My cat gives me a boner
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
