The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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