I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
