Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
