I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
