I'm so fucking centered right now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
