...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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