I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Panties = found
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
