I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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