yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
