now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
