My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
