Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
