It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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