I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
