I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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