He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
