I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
