From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize