and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
