CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
