Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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