God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
