Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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