that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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