Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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