i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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