Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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