So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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