you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
