I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
