Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
