you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
