and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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