is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
