It's just like the Real World with babies
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
