Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
