I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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