So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
