I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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