he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it glows. i had to have it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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