your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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