Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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