Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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