We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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