It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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