He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
